A version.

The person I see in the mirror

The person I see in the reflection of a window

The person I see staring back at me

All different versions

And none of them feel right

I never allowed myself.

I never allowed myself to pursue any dreams

I never allowed myself to entertain hobbies

I never allowed myself to feel free

I never allowed myself to run my hands through the long grass

I never allowed myself to take a breathe at the ocean

I never allowed myself to be me

I never allowed myself to rest

I never allowed myself to dance freely

I never allowed myself to live.

And at times…I know I made the wrong choice.

But that’s life. You’re going to make a wrong choice, and you’ll have to sit with those wrong choices and accept them.

There is unfortunately, no way to turn back and replace the choice you made.

My life has become nothing but a vault of wrong choices.

This sucks.

And I wanted to. God. You cannot fathom how badly I wanted to.

How badly I wanted to stay and envelope you in my arms. To hold you and allow you to feel some sort of peace, comfort, solace…

How badly I didn’t want to leave and relish in the moment of talking to you and seeing you.

Because it’s always you and always has been you that has ran through my mind over and over again.

I love you.